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Making Deals with Massive Dragons

The dragon trundles off into the forest a ways, with you still tightly grasped in a single enormous talon, and eventually unfolds its huge leathery wings and begins to fly. That only lasts a few minutes before the dragon lands, thoroughly winded and billowing black smoke in exhaustion from having to carry all that… you. As the dragon starts walking again, there’s not much you can do but hang there and contemplate your inevitable demise. So this is how it ends – as five-star comfort food for a massive reptile.

After what feels like hours of getting bobbed around in the dragon’s talon as it walks deeper and deeper into the forest, you finally begin to get dragged up the side of a mountain where you are unceremoniously tossed into a large cave onto your belly. The dragon follows you in, its heavy, impatient footfalls each sounding like another nail being pounded into your coffin. You try to stand up, but the process takes nearly a full minute of flailing and kicking before you can get your gut in front of you rather than beneath. By the time you stand up, turning towards the cave entrance with as much haste as you can manage (which isn’t much, tubby) the dragon is looming over you, not ten feet away. This is it… but then the dragon says, in a scratchy but decidedly female voice:

“Look, lardo, I’m going to get right down to the reason you’re here. I need your help.”

Written by an anonymous author

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