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Why is it that the fat guys...

You decide to interrupt Rufus before he can make the situation any worse. "Oi!" you yell at him from the ground. He wheels around, still grinning. Come to think of it, he acts almost exactly like the leprechaun.

"What is it, lard ball?" Rufus asks you mockingly. The rest of the group laugh.

"Could you at least prop me and Peter up against the wall? My gut's squashing my lungs." you say. Rufus' grin grows even wider, and the laughter increases in volume.

"Fine; we don't want ou to be dying on us now, will we? It'll be bad reprutation." Rufus and one of his colleages picks you up, and places you with your back against the wall. Another two do the same for Peter. "Now," says Rufus, "Where was I?" You realise that he's going to do his speech anyway.

"Oh well," you think. "It can't get any worse." It does. Rufus turns to the crowd, and tells them about how you and Peter have eaten all of the food in the kitchen, and that there's none left. The Archaeologists stare daggers at you; they're definately not happy about that. Rufus then points out that you have destroyed at least 20 chairs within the three days that you have been with them. More cold stares.

Suddenly, you have an idea. It's so mind-bogglingly simple, it's stupid. You know that it's going to work, because it's already happened to you. You grin. Things just went your way.

You sigh loudly, look over at Rufus, and say, "Why is it that the fattest guy in the room gives the longest speech?" Rufus just looks at you in confusion, and continues with his speech. Now he's talking about how your mother was a whale. You sigh, this time for real. you actually thought that something would happen that time.

Over 30 minutes later, Rufus finishes with his speech and walks over to you. "What did you think of that? Eh, Lard boy?" he asks you. You don't answer, you just stare coldly into thin air. "C'mon fatty, let's get you back to your room." Rufus grabs your arms, and is somehow able to drag your humongous figure the whole 100 feet down the hall. When you arrive, (around 10 minutes later,)Rufus dumps you onto a chair, which promptly breaks, and sits on the top bunk of the bed.

"I've never understood fat people." Rufus says. "You're always lugging your fat asses around like people actually want you to do things." he laughs. "A word of advice to you: don't try to help around, our do any of your 'reporting' okay? You'll just get in our way." Rufus laughs again, causing his chins to wobble. He gets off the bunk and lands heavily on the floor, the resulting shockwave making the entire room shake. "Look, what you should be aiming for is this: Biceps." Rufus tells you, pointing to his flabby arms. "And abs." he says, grabbing his gut. "Okay?" You nod, trying to suppress your smile. "Good." Rufus snorts, then walks out the door.

You burst out laughing; the tears stream down your face as you think about what just happened. You roll on the floor in fits of laughter. When you finally recover, you use the bed post to help you to your feet. You dry your eyes, and call the leprechaun to you.

"How may I help, m'laddie?" the little green man asks as he appears infront of you. He bows low, tipping his hat off to you. Seems he really was sorry.

You shrug it off, then get to what you called him there for. "Two questions for you, leprechaun: Number 1, why didn't you answer my wish about fat guys giving long speeches, and two, what is Rufus doing right now?" You can't wait to see his reaction to his new body.

The leprechaun smiles and nods. "Well, to answer your first question lad, I was at a leprechaun conference held once every 10'000 years when you made yer first wish. To answer number two, Rufie should be having his fourth helping of supper right about now." you grin. You're pretty sure the leprechaun's lying about the conference, but you're glad to know that Rufus got the gluttony curse as well.

"Does Rufus know that he's fat yet? Because he was talking about his muscles when I last saw him." you ask the leprechaun, curious.

"No laddie, Rufus still thinks that he's the strongest chap in the entire team." the leprechaun replies. "He boasts about his strength even while he stuffs his face." You smile at the thought of that, but it's not enough revenge.

"Leprechaun, I wish that Rufus knew that he was gaining weight, but that he didn't know what was causing it and he couldn't work any of it off." you say. "Oh yeah, and give him the same curse as Peter."

"Very well then, fat gents who can't lose weight coming right up!" the leprechaun chants with glee. He snaps his fingers, and the green dust falls from his fingers.

"This is going to be great." you say. The leprechaun just winks at you, then fades into thin air. You shrug of the leprechauns wink and check the time. 10:00?! you spent the entire evening listening to Rufus' speech? Boy that guy can talk for ages. You get into your bunk, and within minutes, you've fallen asleep.

Written by Someone Who writes

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