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You're woken up halfway through the night as Peter comes back from his midnight binge. Judging from the vibrations coming through the floor, he's at least doubled in weight. "Pig..." you think to yourself as you roll over and fall back to sleep.

When you wake up, you do your usual morning check: Average weight? same as last night. Clothes size? around XXXL. Number of chins? 7. You sigh with relief. You haven't gained weight. You check on Peter, and notice that he's back to his normal weight; if you can call weighing 550 pounds normal. It seems you dreamed about him being so fat last night. No big deal, though. You have your shower, brush your teeth and get dressed. It's a big day: you're going to see how Rufus feels about being fatter than you.

You call the leprechaun and have him make your legs strong enough to support you. After thinking for a little bit, you have him strengthen Peter's and Rufus' legs as well. You walk down to the mess hall, and take your usual chair. (The double one with metal reinforcements). The rest of the arcaeological team walk in a sit down as well. They don't seem to notice you as much anymore. You guess they've just gotten used to you. Soon, everyone except Peter and Rufus are seated. You look towards the dorms, craning your head over everyone else's. You can't understand why neither of them are appearing.

10 minutes later, and you're still waiting. It seems that the group leader has to be in the hall for meals to be served, because you haven't gotten any food. Everyone else also seems to be getting impatient, and no wonder; even thin people need food sometimes. Finally, over half an hour later, you hear a huffing and puffing noise which turns out to be Peter. "What took you so long?" you hiss at him as he takes his seat. "And where's Rufus?"

"Slept in." Peter replies. You realise this is actually the first time you've heard him speak. "And I don't know where Rufus is." He looks around. "And where's the food?"

"We can't have food unless the leader's here." says one of the members, a girl with blonde hair and green eyes.

"Then someone should go and get him." you reply.

"Thanks for volunteering!" the girl says. "Off you go."

"Ha, ha." you mutter. You get up from the chair, and set off in the direction of Rufus' room. When you do arrive, you discover that his door is shut tight, and a monstrous roaring sound is coming from inside. "Rufus?" you call. No reply, just the roaring sound. You call Rufus' name again, but no-one answers the door. "Cm'on Rufus, everyone's starving!" still no reply. You open the door and walk in to find a gigantic blob of fat lying on the bed. The roaring sound seems to be coming from it. Then you realise that the blob is Rufus; or, at least, Rufus' belly, and the roaring sound is his snoring. You navigate around the bed in an attempt to find his head.

As you go around, you do your check on him: Average weight: at least 10 times last night. Shirt size: XXXXXXXXXL. Number of chins: 12. Rufus' face is completely unrecognizable, due to his chins, and his cheeks, which have swollen to the point that they resemble a chipmunk's. "Wake up, ya big lug." you tell him. He doesn't respond. "I said get up!" you yell. Then you notice that even if he did wake up, he'd never fit out the door. This could be a problem.

You realise that you have no choice: you have to return Rufus to his original weight, otherwise you won't get any food at all. "Leprechaun," you call. He appears on top of Rufus. "Can you return Rufus to the weight he was at before? Or at least make him small enough to fit through the door." you plead.

"Sorry laddie," the pixie remarks. "You said yourself to make him like Peter; continue gaining weight forever." he shakes his head sadly.

"Could you at least shrink him down enough to fit through the door?" you ask. You look over at it. Rufus would have to loose nearly all of is weight in order to fit.

"No can do." says the leprechaun. "Unless you're willing to transfer his fat into another individual?" He looks at you.

"No." you tell him. "You can stick his weight into someone else, right?" the leprechaun shakes his head again.

"The recipient must be close to the original's weight." he says. "And since he's the fattest gent in the world, and you're the second, it has to be you."

"What about Peter?" you ask him.

"Mr Peter could also take the fat; but are you willing to let another suffer the consequences of your actions?" the leprechaun seems to be speaking the voice of reason.

"Since when did you become Confucious?" you ask him. The leprechaun shrugs. "Fine then." you say. "Transfer the weight to..."

Written by Someone who writes

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