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The Decisive Battle

"Well, uh fine!" the tiger stammers. "Let's do this."

He pulls up a table besides you (normally it'd be in front of you, but when your stomach sticks out over six feet in front of you while sitting, reaching can be difficult), and sits down next to you, facing the opposite direction as to make the battle still work. The two of you both count to three together, and the match begins.

It didn't last very long. The tiger was a very tough competetor, but your muscle easily matched his. To add to this, your fat-laden forearm added some extra weight that you were able to put into the match, and the size of your extra-padded palm and fingers made getting a good grip on you very difficult. So the match had it's moment, but the tiger found his wrist against the table in not too much time.

"Er... uh, well, I guess you got me-" "Yes, I did," you frankly state with a grin on your face, "and it was much fun and all, but I really have to get back to my relaxing. Toodles!" You wave tauntingly with your swollen hand and waddle back up onto the main deck, leaving the tiger standing dumbfounded.

So after a brief excursion of extreme discomfort, you waddle back to your (heavily reinforced) beach chair and reassume your relaxed position, while the boat reassumes it's tilted position. Though you are temporairly on vacation, you still have a mission to accomplish. You try to keep your mind on the goal, even though your gut has been keeping it's own mind on the food. Anyone passing by you has to take a considerable detour to get around the roadblock that is you. As you lean back in your chair, your stomach maintains a steady blanket like condition as it covers your entire lap, and extends beyond that. Last you had checked, it was probably sticking out about seven feet from your chest-- which is more than the average basketball player is tall! Your arms rest idly on your sides-- the gelatenous mass of each of your forearms lie flat on your bulging love handles. And your legs certainly weren't neglected in your initial gain. Your rear end is very wide-- wide enough that the chair your sitting on is about the size of, say, three beach chairs put together. And even then, you're still a bit too big!

Thank heavens you have all that muscle under it. Otherwise you wouldn't be able to eat at the cruise's buffet.

Written by eorpheus

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