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Rap Cat

You lumber through the mall, wondering what to do next, wither you should go drown your sorrows at the food court, or an all you can eat buffet. It seems inevitable that your going to eat yourself to immobility. You can barely move around the office, your home is slowly being destroyed by your bulk, and your sure it's only a matter of time your liability causes your boss to fire you. It's a miserable state of affairs that has you moping about, swaying slowly as you wander the mall. It is only when you suddenly hear an "oof!" and feel a slight pressure bounce off your stomach that you notice someone has run right into you, an bounces several feet off. You look and see a cat dressed in a black jump suit, a shiny gold C on a chain with a number of additional gold bands around is neck, and some rings on his fingers. "Why doncha watch where ya going you big..." he starts in a accent. Then he lays eyes on you. "Whaaaaa!!!" he says, now wide eyed as he seems to reconsider his choice of words. He gets up and looks you over. "Yo dog, is that all for realz?" he says, poking you to test to see if this was just a costume. "Um... excuse me," you say, trying to exit the situation. "Wait dog," he cat says, jumping besides you, "You is huge for real, how'd you get so phat?"

"Look, I don't really want to be made fun of right now, yes, I'm fat, not that hard to figure out. Now leave me alone."

"Naw man, PHAT, with a P. You is just what we been lookin for." he says, waving his hands wildly, "Youz phat like, large and in charge, no one mess with, jamming with the K.C., swinging the bling, not caring a thing, fantastic, bombastic, B.B. Wolfman."

"What?" you say, not sure what he is talking about.

"Rap man." he says, "We trying to be the next big thing, but need a three man team, got S.W. Cheese, and me, K.C. Black, but we need a 3 who got a huge stage presence, and you fit the bill." he slides up to you, "Let me guess, you get no respect, working some dead-end job, some small crib to small for you." he says, nailing the head. "You join me and S.W., and you got all the respect. Ladies love a rapper, get a music deal, you got mullah, bling, and can live it up big time."

"Um... I'm not sure I can rap." you say, not sure how to take this sudden interest in you, "No prob, S.W. got the beat, I got the rhymes, I teach you and we got ourselves magic. Whatta ya say?"

Written by an anonymous author

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