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You almost drop the fake beard in shock when you pull it out of the pile. What the heck is this doing here? You don't even remember pulling it out of the closet!

Holding the mangy thing at arm's length, you take a look at it. The hair is coloured black, like yours, and is clustered into a thick mess of curls and tangles. Oddly enough, there isn't a strap or anything to actually attach it to your face - not that you'd want to, anyway. And yet, you have the weird compulsion to put it on for some reason... It couldn't hurt, right?

Since there doesn't seem to be any way to wear it, you just try pressing the beard against your chin. Nothing seems to happen, and you let your hands drop away... but the beard stays in place. Must be some sort of adhesive or something... You take a look in the mirror, and discover that the beard actually looks rather realistic - it's like you've grown a real beard! You give it an experimental tug, and jump when a jolt of pain courses through your chin. It IS real!

After getting over the initial shock, you realise that something else is happening - you're starting to feel... heavier. Your clothes suddenly begin growing tight, especially around your abdominal area. You look down in confusion, just as the first button of your shirt pops off, and your gut flops over your belt. You're gaining weight!

Written by an anonymous author

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