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Kill dem gophers

You see the groundhog killer bottle and just know you have to have it. You buy it without saying a word and head home. Going out into your backyard, you see them. Nine gophers looking at you menacingly out of their holes. You try to pull the top off of the bottle, but it seems stuck tight. You pull and pull...

Until it breaks, spraying all over you. Suddenly, you feel a strange flexing in your hands. The fingers puff up and swell, as well as your palms, until they inflate into two giant hammers! Your skin takes on a metallic sheen as you feel the sudden need to smash gophers. The jump up and down, trying to nimbly avoid their blows, but you are too fats for them. Soon gopher blood covers the lawn and your dizzied head hits the ground...

You wake up, eyes blurring inside Chuckie Cheeses. You have no idea how you got here, but someone is yelling at you about the broken Wack-a-mole machine. You run out in a haze and jump into your car, which you must have parked outside. You get back to your apartment and open the door. When you realize you don't have a key. Thats when you realize that your finger is in the lock. Pulling it out, the end looks just like a key. When you look at your other hand...


Written by Shane Wheeler

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