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You are allergic to deodorant.

You wake and realize you are a gas. You move around, can squeeze through tiny holes. You are also an invisible gas. You whoosh by some kid, who promptly keels over and dies, holding his nose, choking, and ultimately barfing his guts out. You realize you are really a cloud of someone's fart. But only someone from the FMA could make such a huge fart. Those people from the Fat Mother's Association could make a fart so huge that it is sickening. You suddenly become a fat woman.

You are a fat woman who is extremely fat. You step onto the scale, and the scale's little pointy thingy is flying around the scale so fast it looks like an airplane propeller, or maybe a fan. You decide not to wait around for it to finish and visit China.

There you feel proud of yourself because you manage to do a balancing beam act on the Great Wall of China. Then you are offered some rice. But there is no half and half! You spit the rice at the Chinaman, and are arrested for refusing to eat rice. Your fatness is sentenced to drowning in rice. Of course, you're so fat you inhale once on accident at the execution scene and all the rice flies into your stomach. Then you mutter something about Japanese women and become one.

As a Japanese woman in China, you are promptly arrested for ethnic differences. But you let out a fart so huge you realize you must still be part of the FMA, even though you are quite a shapely Japanese woman. Anyway the fart kills off all of China and NATO arrests you for killing 2 billion people. Then you mutter something about the Heckler & Koch weapons they hold and you become one.

As an H&K assault rifle you kill many. You are in service for years until they come out with the AK-2047, which is awesome. You grumble about Anton Kalishnakov's line of rifles and become one. You are an AK-74. You fart again, and being that you are still part of the FMA, all of Europe dies. However, you are not arrested because no one suspects that an AK-74 could do so much damage. You grumble about mankind and become one.

As a man you go to a restaurant. You order crab legs and a martini. You realize there is no olive in your martini. You suddenly throw up onto the woman in the booth beside you, who promptly leaves. As the waitress comes around again, you try to hit on her, but she throws your food in your face in reply. You mutter something about a perfect woman and become her.

As the perfect woman... wait, you see where this is going. Anytime you mutter something about something you become that something. Something is cause this something to occur, forcing you into something. Anything could be something, so you decide not to mutter about anything. You mutter something about your old body. But nothing happens! You take off your ancient Buddhist medallion and realize it is no longer shiny. You fart on it, and even though you are the perfect woman you are still part of the FMA, so you kill all of the western hemisphere. As the perfect woman you go get laid in Africa. Then you fart once more and...

Written by an anonymous author (edited by wanderer)

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