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There is a victorious, eighties soundtrack playing in your mind.

A red-headed woman steps out from the shadows of your mind. "Molly Ringwald!" "Yes, that's right, young loquat. I am Molly Ringwald of The Breakfast Club and various other John Hughes films. Would you like to go get a Passiona?" "Sure!" But then you turn into a Passiona and Molly Ringwald drinks you and you die. Suck. On. That.

Written by Eliza Janssen

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